


God Knows We Tried

by 7sendra



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss, Possible smut, WIP, haven't decided yet, oh god so much angst im soRRY
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-31 17:24:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3986518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/7sendra/pseuds/7sendra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It happened on stage. Liam was the first to notice something was wrong when he neared the end of his solo and saw Harry wasn’t listening. Wasn’t moving. So he kept signing, much to the fan’s confusion, but there wasn’t anything else to be done. The three other lads, all rather confused, turned to Harry. Louis was the first to move. He was across the stage and reaching Harry in seconds. Once he got close enough to see his face, Louis started to panic. His eyes were glazed and unfocused, his shoulders slumped and his lips were slightly parted; completely unresponsive. </p><p>OR Harry loses his memory, but he doesn't lose Louis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Loss

**Author's Note:**

> WIP  
> I haven't fully decided where this is going yet so i will change the tags accordingly as i write it :)  
> I hope you all enjoy reading this as much as i enjoy writing it! x

It happened on stage. Liam was the first to notice something was wrong when he neared the end of his solo and saw Harry wasn’t listening. Wasn’t moving. So he kept signing, much to the fan’s confusion, but there wasn’t anything else to be done. Louis and Niall, both utterly confused, turned to Harry. Louis was the first to move. He was across the stage and reaching Harry in seconds. Once he got close enough to see his face, Louis started to panic. His eyes were glazed and unfocused, his shoulders slumped and his lips were slightly parted; completely unresponsive. “Haz..?”The moment Louis’ hand made contact with the younger boy’s shoulder, he crumpled to the floor, and eyes falling shut at last. “Harry! Jesus what the…?”

Louis was shaking him, frantically, his heart hammering in his chest. He kept chanting his name softly under his breath as if that might magically wake him up. He was vaguely aware of Liam trying, to no avail, to reassure the crowd. With his wavering voice and panicked expression, no wonder they didn’t believe him. Suddenly Niall was by his side, guitar slung behind his back, and his permanent smile now replaced by a deep crease between his brows. He was pulling Louis away, making room for the paramedics and staff swarming Harry’s limp form. The older boy registered everything through a hazy film. He struggled pitifully against Niall until finally falling limp against him and watching as Harry was swiftly removed from the stage. It was as if someone had knocked the wind out of him and only now was he beginning to breathe again. His chest ached. He became aware of Niall speaking beside him as they prematurely left the stage.

“…-t the bloody hell is going on?”

…

_Reports are coming in now of last night’s incident at the One Direction tour in London where singer Harry Styles allegedly fainted on stage. No new news has been released on the issue, unfortunately. Fans will just have to be happy in the dark, a little while longer I’m afraid._

None of them slept. Usually, after a show, they were all too exhausted to even look at each other before they passed out in their respective beds. Now, they all sat bleary eyed and defeated in a waiting room where they’d been dumped and told firmly to stay. Niall was strumming softly on his guitar while Liam was speaking softly into his phone on the other side of the room.

_Probably talking to Sophia_

Louis shook himself silently from his thoughts and stood, drawing the eyes of his two mates. “I’m going for a wee.” His voice came out harsh and rough. They were the first words he’d spoken since they’d arrived at the hospital and after 8 hours of having to choke back tears and force down screams of Let me see him you dicks his voice was a little worse for wear.

“We were told…”

“Fuck that.” Louis strode to the door and heard no further challenge from Liam. Once Louis reached the loo, not passing a single soul on the way, he instantly locked the door and ran to a cubicle, throwing up everything left in his gut, which wasn’t much. He doesn’t remember. He doesn’t remember. He doesn’t remember. Louis could feel the hot pricks of tears edging their way forward and, this time, he didn’t stop them. He heaved out great gulping sobs as he sank to his knees in front of the cold toilet bowl.

_“Everything?” Louis asked in a shaky voice, not trusting himself to say anything more. It was the first time he’d spoken since the doctor had entered the room. All eyes were on him now, but he only had eyes for the doctor and ears for what she had to say next._

_"Yes.”_

_Louis broke. He sat heavily in the chair behind him and dropped his head into his hands. He could hear Niall let out a small sound of disbelief and a small whispered “no” from Liam._

_“There’s about a 50/50 chance he’ll receive some memory recollection but the chances of full recollection are considerably low. Saying that, attempts to help him regain what he’s lost should not be tossed aside out of fear of nothing coming from it.” The doctor kept talking but Louis was no longer listening._

_Simon had come. Why had Simon come? Why should he care what happened to Harry now after he’d dumped them with possibly the shittiest management his billions could buy and waved goodbye? What gave him the fucking right!?_

“Lou…?” There was a gentle knock at the door followed by a smooth gentle voice he recognised all too well. Quickly, Louis picked himself up, splashed some water over his face and in his mouth before opening up the door to his ex-band mate Zayn. “Oh Louis.”

Louis couldn’t hide he’d been crying, not when he’d been crying that hard. But he knew Zayn wouldn’t acknowledge it, not like Niall or Liam might. Or Harry… “He’s fucking gone Zayn. He’s gone and I never got the chance-”

“Louis, he might not be gone forever, you know what the doc said.”

“But what if he is, Zayn!” Louis was shouting. He was aware he was shouting and that every person in this damned hospital wing could hear him and he didn’t care. “My best mate is gone! Jesus Zayn I’ve ignored him and treated him like shit all because I was too much of a fucking coward to…” Louis was cut short by Zayn possibly crushing him in a hug. Right over his ear, Zayn whispered low and fast,

“Louis, you listen to me. You’re gonna pull yourself together, walk out there, and you’re gonna to fight for him. You understand me? This isn’t about you and you telling him what you want. This is about him and he needs you more than ever right now so sort your shit out Thomlinson and make up for the last year and a half by being there for him now.”

Louis fucking hated Zayn. “I fucking hate you Zayn.” Zayn only huffed out a harsh laugh and pulled out of the embrace.

“I know. But you need me.”

“Thanks. For being an ass, telling me I’m an ass, and for being here. You didn’t have to-”

“Of course I fucking had to you twat, no one else was going to. Now come on, I think it’s time we went and visited your lover.” Zayn waggled his eye brows teasingly as Louis huffed out a laugh and punched him in the gut and he walked passed his mate. Louis fucking hated Zayn.

…

Harry didn’t know where he was. Harry had only just found out he was Harry after looking at the files at the foot of his bed. He lay on his bed and instead of thinking about all the things he didn’t know, he ran through all the things he did know. Name: Harry Styles, Gender: Male, DOB: February 1st, 1994, Current emotional state: really fucking confused. He stared down at the four fingers he had raised as the door opposite him opened. He looked up quizzically at the blond man in a red-checked shirt with a guitar that had just entered. He gave Harry a tentative smile before shutting the door quickly and quietly behind him. “Hey Harry.” The man’s strong Irish accent hit him first as he realised he didn’t even know what nationality he was. Shit. Well he spoke English at least. Harry added another finger. “They told us not to come in but…” The Irish lad trailed off as he continued to stare at Harry. “You really don’t remember do you?” He sounded a little broken as he uttered the words and slumped into the chair next to Harry’s bed.

Harry only shrugged and looked at his hands folded in his lap. When he looked back up, the man was smiling a watery smile and extending his hand towards Harry. “Well, in that case, I’m Niall. I’m your favourite, although I guess you probably still remember that seeing as its kind of important.” A surprised little laugh bubbled out of Harry’s mouth as he shook Niall’s waiting hand. Niall grinned a little bit wider and took that as encouragement to continue. “We’ve known each other for about five years now. The lads and I are kind of like your extended family.” Harry cleared his throat a little to stop Niall.

“The lads?” His voice, a lot lower than he’d expected, came out relatively steady.

“They’ll be a long soon enough.” Niall reached towards Harry again, this time to give his knee an encouraging pat. “Don’t you worry mate, we’re gonna get those memories back for ya.” Niall grinned again, which Harry was beginning to realise was pretty much his permanent facial expression, as the door opened again. This time, a pretty dark skinned woman entered followed by an important looking man in a tailored blue suit. Niall’s happy smile fell almost instantly. The woman looked a little shocked to see Niall in there but the man in the suit kept an almost bored expression.

“Niall. I thought I made it clear you were to-”

“Stay? I’m not a bloody dog Phillip.” Niall turned back to Harry, his smile returning. “Plus, Haz here would be hopeless without his favourite mate.” A small smile tugged its way onto Harry’s lips at Niall’s words. He might not know this man at all, but he had a feeling that wouldn’t be for long. Niall seemed like the kind of person to share and then over share, never telling the difference between the two. He caught the Irish lad’s wrist in his hand and looked at the man named Phillip.

“I want him to stay.” Harry didn’t know this man, he could have been his dad for all he knew, but there was a solid feeling in his gut that told him he didn’t like him. Good to know not everything was gone. Niall puffed out his chest next to him and leaned back in his chair once Harry had released his wrist, a smug smile settling across his face. Phillip looked like he was about to say something before the woman he had entered with spoke up.

“I think it’s best harry surrounds himself with as many people who were close to him as possible. It’s the best way to encourage memory recollection.” The dark skinned woman smiled kindly at him then, her deep brown eyes sparkling warmly. Harry decided that he liked her.

“Thank you doctor.” Phillip looked sharply at her then, signalling that this was her cue to leave. Her smile never wavered as she quietly left the room. If that was Harry’s doctor, then this man must surely hold an immense amount of power. Harry decided he _really_ didn't like him.

“Well, i think it's best we follow the doctors orders then. I think I’ll go get Louis to come and say hello.” Niall stood slowly from his seat, his eyes never leaving Phillips face as he spoke, as if he were watching for a reaction. He wasn’t disappointed. At the mention of the name ‘Louis’ Phillip visibly tensed and looked like he was about to voice is objection when the door opened for the third time that morning. This time, a small man with tanned skin and sparkling blue eyes stepped into the room. Harry’s heart stuttered a little at the sight of him. Harry mentally raised another finger for something else he knew, his sexuality. There was something else about Louis though, something almost familiar. Harry could feel a tug beneath his chest and the quickening of his pulse at the sight of him. Everyone he had seen since he’d woken he’d met with curiosity and a willingness to know them. Now, all he could feel was an insistent nag in his mind that was telling him he knew this man.

“Hey.” The not-so-stranger gave a tentative smile, his hand like a vice around the door knob, but his voice wavering slightly as he spoke. Harry sighed quietly. Somehow, looking at this beautiful man with his shy smile and soft brown hair, Harry knew, he’d be alright.


	2. We'll Get There In The End

Louis didn’t say a lot, much to Harry’s disappointment. He wanted the older man to keep talking because whenever he spoke, his voice reached into Harry’s mind as if urging him to remember. There was also the added bonus of the fact that Louis was _beautiful_ , but he would keep that to himself for now. After all, Harry didn’t know who Louis was to him. They could be anywhere from acquaintances to brothers. Sudden realisation dawned on him then; Harry didn’t even know what he looked like. Something must have shown on his face because Louis’s blue eyes focused sharply on him, narrowing in on his discomfort.

“Harry? Is everything ok?” Louis interrupted Niall and Zayn’s - the man who had entered with Louis - little conversation, silencing the room. Harry cleared his throat and looked at his hands.

“Yeah, I just – I just realised I don’t know what I look like.” Harry’s voice was getting steadier as he was becoming more comfortable with the people around him. Phillip had left, much to _everyone’s_ relief. Turns out, the other lads don’t really like him either.  
When Harry lifted his eyes back up, he saw Louis’ face had softened, as he reached for the bedside table near Harry.

“They usually keep mirrors in here somewhere…” Louis trailed off as he searched through the drawers one by one. “Ah found one!” straightening back up, Louis produced a small mirror attached to a green handle and passed it over to Harry face down.

Harry’s hands shook slightly as he raised the mirror to his face letting out a small “oh” as he got a full look at himself. _I’m pretty._

Louis started giggling softly, completely opposite to Niall who burst into laughter. Shit, he hadn’t meant to say that out loud. Wiping tears from his eyes, Niall’s laughter faded into giggles as Zayn smacked him on the arm. “I didn’t mean to say that out loud.” A small blush crept on to Harry’s cheeks as he spoke, his eyes never leaving his reflection as he took in big green eyes and a mane of curls.

“Don’t worry Haz, about 5 million screaming girls agree with you there.” 

_Haz_

The nickname was foreign but felt nice coming from Louis. Friends then, especially since they definitely weren’t brothers, they must be at least friends. A small circle of warmth bloomed in Harry’s chest as he looked at the three lads, his eyes coming to a rest on Louis. These were his friends. Harry was just about to ask what Louis meant when Zayn stood abruptly.

“Oh shit. We forgot about Liam.”

For the second time that morning, Niall almost fell to the floor in fits of laughter as Zayn looked less than pleased. “Come one Ni, let’s go find him.” Zayn looked toward Louis appearing to send him some secret message through intense eye contact and a few eye brow wiggles. Harry could only look on, completely confused. _Who was Liam? Another friend? Maybe a lover? Brother? Best friend?_ Harry sighed and rubbed his head. Apparently this was all going to take a lot longer than he’d anticipated. He’d hoped once he heard his name, saw faces of people he knew, everything would come rushing back. So far, all he’d gotten were emotions toward certain people. That was something, at least.

Once Zayn and Niall had left, Louis looked down at his small hands folded in his lap, suddenly uncomfortable. Harry couldn’t wrap his mind around exactly who Louis was and what he meant to him. For some reason, he seemed just that little bit more important than the others. Pushing that aside, Harry had a question to ask. “What did you mean? Before, when you said ‘5 million screaming girls agree’ that I’m…pretty?”

Louis smiled softly and dug his phone out of his pocket, tapping it a few times before handing it over to Harry. On the screen was a google page with Harry’s name entered into the search bar. _Millions_ of results popped up with words such as _One Direction, Lothario, Hot, Tattoos_ attached to hundreds of articles and photos.

“We’re famous. You, me, Niall and Liam. We’re all in a band called _One Direction_. We have a _huge_ fan base so we have constant security and a lot of important people telling us what we can and can’t do and say. That kind of famous." Louis paused briefly, seeming to search for the right words to continue. "Zayn's... an ex-member of the band. He recently split from us for personal reasons."

“Oh my god.”

“Yeah.”

“Shit.”

“That too.” Louis nodded along and watched as Harry absorbed all the new information. Still, nothing was ringing any bells. Suddenly, Harry started to panic.

“Wait a minute, If I don’t remember being in a band, that means I don’t remember any of our songs. Jesus Lou I’m going to be downright _useless_. If I never get anything back, I might fuck this all up for you, for _everyone_.” Harry looked over to the older man and saw him smiling. “How are you not angry right now?” Harry was breathing hard, seriously worried about what would happen if-

“You called me Lou.”Harry back-tracked a couple of panicked sentences and realised that yeah, he did. He gave a tentative smile to Louis who was full-on grinning at him now. “I think we’ll all be just fine.”

“Do I usually call you Lou?” Harry inquired.

“Um, yeah? To be honest, we haven’t really spoken in a while. Not like proper mates anyway.”

“Oh. Why not?” Harry was suddenly confused again. If he and Louis didn’t talk then why did he feel such a strong connection and sense of familiarity whenever he looked at the damn guy? Louis looked away again before Harry could catch the expression on his face when he spoke.

“Lots of reasons Haz.” Before Harry could say anything more on the matter, Louis sucked in a breath and look back at him, expression neutral. “How about I go get us both a cuppa? They’ve probably got _something_ decent around here.” Louis rose and turned to go when Harry felt the sudden urge to apologise.

“Lou wait!” lurching forward, Harry snagged one of Louis’ wrists to stop him. Louis flicked an eyebrow up as he looked from Harry’s hand wrapped around his thin wrist to his big green eyes. “I’m sorry. I – I’m not really – shit – I just – I know this must be hard for you so I just wanted to tell you I’m - ”

“Harry!” Louis cut him and leaned down to place his small hands on either side of Harry’s face. “Jesus, none of this if your fault Haz. Shit I’m sorry this _happened_ to you.” Harry closed his eyes and listened to Louis speak. There was _definitely_ something about Louis that had Harry’s stomach twisting and his palms sweating, he just didn’t know what yet.

“I know Louis but I just –” Harry opened his eyes as he heard Louis begin to laugh softly. “What…?” Harry almost had to shut his eyes again just to get a grip on himself. Louis was only inches away, his blue eyes sparkling and his lips pulled back in a soft smile. He wasn’t just beautiful, he was _stunning,_ and Harry very much wanted to kiss him.

“It’s just like you to start apologising for a freak medical _accident_ , Harold.” Louis smoothed his long hair back with one hand and patted his cheek softly. “Now no more stressing m’dear. I’ll be back in a few.” After one more pat, Louis pulled away and slipped through the door silently.  Pretty quickly, Harry realised he was _exhausted_ and ended up drifting off thinking about pretty blue eyes and the small crinkles around them.

…

Harry was released the next day with strict instructions to rest and eat well as well as to call his doctor at any time if he experienced any discomfort. He should have stayed the week so the doctors could monitor his brain patterns and check nothing more could go wrong. So naturally when Louis found out they would be leaving that afternoon, he was _seething._ What if something else was wrong and they hadn’t found it yet? What if Harry remembered everything only to lose it again the next day? There were too many risks that Louis couldn’t let them take, not when it came to Harry.

“Will somebody please tell me why the _fuck_ Harry doesn’t get a say in whether or not we stay?” Louis burst into the small room they had been using as their temporary ‘meeting room’. They had one of these in almost every building they stayed in for longer than eight hours.  This one was the waiting room they’d been dumped in upon arrival. “No really. I would really fucking love to know what is so important that we can’t wait two more bloody days just to make sure –”

“Louis please. Just calm down for a moment –”

“ _Calm down? Liam are you fucking kidding me –”_

And so after spectacularly losing that little argument with one look from Phillip, Louis was now sitting in a tight little ball at the back of the bus while sporting the biggest pout Zayn had ever seen.

“That is possibly the biggest pout I think I’ve ever seen, Lou.” Zayn flopped down beside Louis on the small couch. Louis sighed and rubbed a hand over his eyes. It had been a long day of stressing over Harry, screaming his lungs out at an impassive Phillip before getting a mouth full from Simon – seriously why the fuck was he even there? – About the importance of preserving your vocal chords until eventually they had been pushed onto the bus in front of possibly _hundreds_ of screaming girls late that afternoon. Louis looked toward the bunks where he knew Harry was. He thought he’d heard crying for a brief moment on his way to the couches at the back and was about to stop when he thought better of it. The past two days had been full of people telling Harry who he was, the poor lad probably needed time to let it all sink in. Louis could only pray he would recall something significant soon. Saying that, his heart had almost exploded when he’d used Louis’ nickname back at the hospital.

“Louis, are you listening to me?” Zayn shook his shoulder slightly to bring him from his thoughts. He had been going on about hospital food, apparently. 

“Sorry.” Louis muttered as he sunk further into the couch cushions he had cocooned himself in. Zayn sighed and rubbed his arm soothingly.

“We’ll be alright Lou. Even if he never remembers anything, in his heart, he’s always going to be the same person he was. First off though, you’ve gotta stop moping yeah?”

“Shit Zayn since when did you turn into Liam 2.0?” Louis tried to deflect the comment with humour, as always, but he couldn’t help hearing what Zayn said. Zayn gave him a scowl in response and turned toward the bunk from which Harry had just emerged. Zayn had refused to leave, even after multiple warnings from the marketing team that this would spread major confusion and speculation as to why Zayn was traveling with the boys mid-tour. It caused a small ache in Louis chest at the sight of him back in the bus and knowing it was only for a short time. 

“Harry! You should probably tweet something. Just to let everyone know you’re not dead. Or dying.” Harry, having emerged from his bunk during Zayn's 'mum talk', spun around to see Niall with a phone extended toward him. His smile was back in full force and Louis was glad to see it. It was a scary thing when Niall lost his smile. Harry took the phone and after a brief hesitation, typed in his passcode, opened up twitter, and began composing a tweet.

“You remember your passcode? And how to tweet?” Louis spoke up from his position on the couch. Harry replied without even looking up.

“Yeah it’s really weird. I remember really small things like my phone passcode, and basic things. Like, I remember the sky is blue and grass is green but I can also remember weird things about the last decade. Like the spice girls.” Harry looked up and beamed at Louis, his phone screen illuminating his dimple and straight white teeth. Jesus Louis missed that smile, especially when it was aimed at him. “It’s so weird, but it feels like something.”

Before anyone could reply, Niall jumped on Harry’s back whooped in celebration. Harry, caught completely off guard, let out a small screech and crashed to the floor under Niall’s weight.

“What in the hell - ?” Liam appeared behind the two lads tangled on the floor, laughing together, with a genuine look of concern. Liam rolled his eyes as he took in the scene before him, realising there was nothing to be worried about.

Once the two had caught their breath and de-tangled, Harry pushed back his hair and smiled up at Liam. “Nialler here thought it would be hilarious to practically _crush_ me.” Niall froze mid-way through pushing himself off the ground. Louis held his breath and he could see Zayn was doing the same. They were all, bar Harry, thinking the same thing. Harry’s eyes widened as he looked between each boy with an owlish expression. “What?”

“You said my nickname. Nialler.” Niall smiled at him and, for the second time, launched himself at Harry, wrapping him in a giant hug. “Hear that lads? I’m the favourite! I am the most memorable out of all you lazy sods!”

“Actually,” harry managed to get out in between giggles, “that’s not…entirely true. Niall get _off_.”

Niall fell back, mocking hurt as he said “What do you mean?”

“I remembered Lou, Louis’ nickname, back at the hospital.” Harry sat up and looked toward Louis who was absolutely _glowing_.

“Hear that Niall? Looks like you come in second place for favourite.” Louis poked his tongue out at Niall who was doing a terrible job at acting offended. He then said something that made both Harry _and_ Louis more than a little confused.

“Better get that $300 ready Li.” He hopped up and skipped – _skipped_ – over to Liam, pecked him on the cheek playfully and skipped away happily. Liam scowled and followed him out muttering under his breath. Zayn huffed out a laugh and patted Louis’ knee before rising and following the other two lads down the bus. Harry turned to look at Louis with a raised eye brow, hundreds of questions on his lips.

“What was that about?” Harry asked as he pushed himself off the floor and moved toward Louis on the couch.

“I have no idea.” What he said was the truth, he didn’t know what they meant. However, he had a suspicion that he was _definitely_ not about to voice. “What did you tweet?”

Harry sat so close to Louis on the couch that the entire of his left side was plastered against the smaller boy. Louis wasn’t complaining. It had been so long since they’d shared even this much physical contact. Louis soaked it in.

“I just apologised to any fans I disappointed at the show. Liam told me we were only halfway through when…” harry trailed off and cleared his throat uncomfortably.

“Jesus Harry. I always forget how nice you actually are.” Louis draped an arm over the back of the couch and wrapped it around Harry’s shoulders. “Come on, you better get some rest.” Louis released the younger man’s shoulders and was about to get up and head to their bunks when Harry dropped his head to Louis’ shoulder and placed and hand on his hip, relaxing into his side. His pulse quickened as Harry seemed to settle himself next to Louis with no intention of moving. Lowering his arm back down, Louis laid his cheek on Harry’s curly hair, breathing in his citrus shampoo. It was almost as if he’d been given a second chance, in the most fucked up way possible.

 _However fucked up this second chance might be_ Louis thought to himself, _I’m definitely not letting it go to waste._

Louis was asleep within seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know i haven't included a lot of Liam in this so far so i promise he will be in the later chapters more!


	3. The Family

Louis woke with a cramped neck and drool down his cheek to find a slightly concerned Liam standing in the hall way. Harry was no longer with him on the couch so Louis stretched out as far as he could, his spine popping in more than one place, before turning to face Liam.

“Yo Lima bean, what’s got your panties in a twist?” Louis teased. He ran a hand through his messy bed hair and stood from the couch. Liam’s scowl only deepened.

“Has anyone called Anne?”

“Oh shit.” Louis sucked in a breath. _How could he have forgotten about Anne and Gemma?_ “Wait Li, someone would have contacted them by now or we would have gotten a lot of seriously angry messages from Gem.” Louis let out a shaky breath. Harry's 'incident' been all over the news, there would be no way Louis would have gone this long without a call or a text if they didn’t already know something was wrong.

“I get that but… do you think they told them the truth? I mean, if someone called me up and said ‘hey, your son’s lost his memory and doesn’t remember who he or anyone around him is but we’re going to keep him on tour and continue with our schedule. Nothing to worry about.’ I know I’d be a little more than angry that they wouldn’t let me see him.”

“You think they lied to them?”

“Well it wouldn’t be the first time.” Liam said sourly as he leaned against the wall, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. Louis hummed in agreement. Once Harry had sprained (almost _broke)_ an ankle during a show and they’d told Anne it was only minor and he’d be fine in a couple of days. Louis hated the idea that Harry’s own family was kept out of so much of his life in _One Direction._ All the lads’ families for that matter. He looked him at Liam to see him wearing a similar expression of distaste. Fucking management.

“Well then, I think it’s time we took a mid-tour break to go see some family. Besides, Harry might get something back from seeing them.”

And so Liam and Louis made a call to Anne, explaining to her exactly what had happened and that they were going to try and bring Harry home. Anne had stayed silent for majority of the call and only spoke up briefly toward the end, her voice thick with emotion echoing around the small toilet cubicle they were cramped in. It happened to be the most private area on the bus.

“Touring never was good for Harry. You will not try Louis Thomlinson, you will bring my boy back home.”

“Yes I will. Oh and Anne, I wouldn’t worry too much. He’s doing fine at the moment and seems to be remembering small things. The doctor said it’s a miracle he’s remembering so many things so quickly. I’ve called her a few times since we left.” Louis had looked up then to see a quizzical look on Liam’s face. He gave him a hard glare to silence the matter before Anne spoke up again. 

“Well, he leads a pretty memorable life.”

With that, Anne had hung up leaving Louis and Liam to figure out how they were going to stop a tour mid-way through.

“We could just boycott it. All of us refuse to perform, one of us literally unable to. No singers, no tour.”

“Yeah but they’ll delay the actual performances with interviews, public sightings and trips around town with the hidden intention of getting Harry stage ready again. We have to swear off _everything_. Like a no-one-leaves-the-bus-until-we-get-what-we-want type of scenario.”

Liam scrunched up his face in annoyance. “Isn’t that a little petulant? Couldn’t we be mature and talk to…Yeah, you’re right, never mind. A standoff it is.” Liam waved his hands in surrender when Louis’ flashed him a look that said _You’re kidding right?_

Louis beamed and turned to leave, eager to tell the other boys their plan. Before he made it out, however, Liam caught his arm and turned him back around to face him. Liam’s face no longer held the determination he had worn only seconds ago. Now, he looked faintly embarrassed.

“What is it Li?”

“Um, it’s just…You and Harry…You never, ah, you know…yeah?”

“Liam I have no idea what the bloody hell you just said.” Liam’s words didn’t make one word of sense to Louis but his embarrassed face along with the mention of Harry caused a small trickle of worry to enter Louis’ heart.

“You guys were never together, were you?” Liam spoke so fast Louis almost missed his words entirely. Louis fish mouthed at him, his jaw working his mouth open and closed too many times without any actual words coming out. “Louis!”

“No! n-no Liam we weren’t.” Louis pulled his arm away, a little wounded at the relieved feeling on Liam’s face. “Why?”

“I don’t know. I always knew you two were close so I just wanted to ask. This all would have been ten times worse on you if that were the case, not that it isn’t hard enough already I just- never mind.” Liam struggled over his words, something he never usually did which was interesting enough but the fact that we was asking about Louis and Harry _together_ together was downright weird. During the early days of _Larry Stylinson_ , Liam had never voiced his opinion about it, never asked Harry or Louis to confirm nor deny it. He had simply stayed out of it. Louis never knew what to think of it, but he was beginning to realise now that Liam had shown them a lot of respect by allowing them the privacy and freedom to be whomever they wanted to be. Louis, suddenly, looked at Liam in a completely new light. His concern about Louis’ relationship with Harry and how this would have affected him, friend or lover, was touching to say the least.   
Liam moved to walk past him and out of the cramped space when he stopped and put a hand on Louis shoulder. “You and Harry always were…different. That’s all.”

“Thanks? I guess?” Louis forced the words out steady past the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. Liam only chuckled slightly in response before heading off toward the front of the bus where he knew Paul would be. That left Louis with a thundering heart and fresh set of butterflies in his stomach. Over the years, Louis had been able to supress most of his unrequited love for Harry until all he felt when he looked at him or heard his name was a dull ache behind his ribs. Only now that Harry had completely forgotten who Louis _was_ , it was like all the emotions had resurfaced, making him feel like he was 18 and breathlessly in love again. He sighed and ran a hair through his still messy hair. Lou was going to kill him if he didn’t see her for a haircut soon.

“Louis? What were you and Liam –” Louis jumped at the voice talking entirely too loudly right next to his ear. 

“ _Jesus Christ!_ don’t sneak up on me like that for fucks sake.”  Louis clutched at his chest, his heart now rocketing away as Harry, the little fucker, giggled away in the hall way.

“Nope, it’s just Harry.”

“Well _just Harry_ ,” Louis inwardly chuckled at his reference, “get your arse in here. I need to talk to you.” Louis reached forward and yanked on the front of Harry’s tight black t-shirt and dragged him into the cubicle before shutting the door behind him. Big mistake. When Louis turned around, Harry was practically _on top_ of him. How did Liam manage to take up so little space? Or maybe he just didn’t pay a lot of attention when it was Liam… Louis tried his best to stop the small blush that was slowly making its way over his collar bones and up his neck. Harry was just looking at him, all big green eyes and curls, looking as innocent as he had all those years ago. He looked faintly amused, sensing Louis’ discomfort.

Louis was so fucked.

“So uh,” Louis cleared his throat and looked at Harry’s hair line as he spoke, “have you given any thought into who your, um, _family,_ might be?” At that, Harry’s face slowly shifted into confusion, then panic until it finally settled on a mixture between understanding and guilt. He looked down and sucked his bottom lip between his teeth.

“No, I hadn’t. I’d just assumed… never mind.” Harry shook his head, lifting his eyes back up to look directly at Louis. He didn’t say anything, didn’t need to, for Louis to know what he was thinking. That was the way it had always been.

“You have a mum named Anne and a sister named Gemma. Your mum and dad split when you were young so you grew up with just the two of them. Your mum found Robin though, your step-dad, and he’s great.”

“Is… Is that why you and Liam were in here for over 30 minutes. Deciding whether or not to tell me about my –uh – family?”

“We were talking to your mum, Anne, letting her know what was going on. Management... omitted a few things.” Louis couldn’t take his eyes off Harry now, watching as he took in the new information and processed it. He looked like he was trying to remember something, hoping the names would conjure up something.

“Gemma… Gemma sounds familiar. Anne, not so much. But I guess if she was my mum, I would call her mum, right?”

Louis was beaming at him. “Yeah. Yeah mate, fuck, im so happy you remember Gem.”

“I don’t Louis.” Harry looked at him sharply, his expression suddenly serious, voice hardening. “You have to remember that just because something feels familiar to me, it doesn’t mean I remember it. Ok?”

“Y-yeah, ok. Sorry.” Louis pressed his lips together, his mood plummeting. Harry was right, he knew he shouldn’t get his hopes up with something that could _never_ happen. But shit it was hard. Harry’s face softened as he reached out and held one of Louis’ wrists.

“Im sorry Louis. I just… I don’t know whats going to happen with all… this,” Harry made a vague gesture toward his head as he said _this_. “I don’t want to disappoint you.”

 _You_. Not the lads, not the fans, not the management. You. Louis couldn’t breathe. Had it really been that long since Harry held his fucking _wrist_.

“Harry.” Louis’ voice came out as nothing more than a squeak. Clearing his throat, he tried again, once more fighting the flush on his cheeks. “You’re not disappointing anyone.” He didn’t say ‘me’, because Harry, he was sure, didn’t mean Louis exclusively. Harry hadn’t even felt the same when he had all his memories, there was no reason that his amnesia had any effect on his feelings for a certain blue eyed British boy.

Harry nodded and slipped his hand off Louis’ wrist. Louis, instantly cold at the loss of contact, unintentionally swayed closer to Harry. “So. What’s the plan?”

“What?” Louis asked dumbly.

“Well, we’re mid tour right so we’d need a plan if we wanted some unscheduled, quality family time.”

Louis huffed out a laugh and scratched his stomach, the movement causing his upper arm to brush against Harry as he did so. He relished the contact. “Well, we were just going to refuse to leave the bus.” He realised now how ridiculous it sounded, only Harry didn’t laugh. He just nodded his head and seemed settled on the idea.

“Right. Well, I’ll be in my bunk if you need me.” Harry leant forward, suddenly, so close into Louis’ space that he could feel Harry’s breath on his cheek. Was he going to kiss him? Louis’ eyes snapped down to Harry’s lips realising all he had to do would be tilt his head back slightly and push up on his toes a fraction and their lips would meet. He sucked in a breath as Harry reached around behind him, his forearm pressing against Louis side lightly. Questions were swirling through Louis’ head, but with Harry’s lips so close to his and their chests inches apart, he couldn’t make sense of anything. All he could think was _Harry Harry Harry Harry._

Faintly, Louis heard the door handle rattle behind him and looked down to see Harry’s hand there, pushing the door open. Fuck, he knew how he must look: blown pupils, lips slightly parted, holding his breath. Harry probably thought he was pathetic. The only sign from Harry, however, was a small smirk as slipped out past Louis and down toward the bunks. Well, at least he didn't cringe. 

_Get a grip Thomlinson._

_This isn’t about you and you telling him what you want. This is about him and he needs you more than ever right now so sort your shit out Thomlinson and make up for the last year and a half by being there for him now_

Zayn’s words came back to him as he, once again, leaned back against the wall of the toilet cubicle. He felt flushed and faintly aroused, not exactly the best way to react when your best mate, _who happens to have amnesia,_ needs you to be in close contact with him in order to get better. Louis needed to sort himself out, pull himself together, and sort out his shit so he could actually start helping Harry rather than turning into his 18 year old love struck self every time he smiled at him.

Louis also really needed to get laid because apparently, just standing within inches of someone now made him hard. _Fucking fantastic_ Louis thought as he stared down at the slight bulge in his jeans. Harry’s going to think he’s a fucking creep, after all, he hasn’t had five years to get used to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay another chapter.   
> Also, please correct me if i get anything wrong about Harry and his family! i haven't been in the fandom very long (literally 5 months) so please forgive me for any mistakes!


	4. The First Appearance

Management had agreed to the mid tour break after a two day standoff and some logical reasoning from Liam (bless his soul). Management had honestly believed they could continue the tour with Harry re-learning the most popular songs of the set list and for the songs he hadn’t ‘re-learnt’ yet, just dancing around stage. “We’ll put it down to his recent ‘incident’. No one could argue with that, we won’t have to give refunds, and everything will continue as it was,” they had said. With a little quick thinking and logical arguments from Liam, however, they soon consented to a month and half break from tour for Harry to recover as much of his memory as he could and continue to make them money. OK maybe Louis had added that part in his mind, but just because it went unsaid didn’t make it any less true. It was the metaphorical elephant in the room at all times lately. No matter what you do, you always have to keep making money for the management team, not even for yourself anymore. Lately, Louis had begun to feel less and less like an internationally famous singer and more and more like a puppet on a string.

Before Harry had lost his memory, Louis’ crippling anxiety attacks had started to creep back. Post and during X-factor, he suffered from intense anxiety attacks, sometimes completely unprovoked. He was loud and obnoxious and sassy in public but in private he bit his nails and ran his hands through his hair too many times for it to be anything but self-consciousness. Harry had been the only one that helped. It wasn’t as if the other lads hadn’t tried, it was just Harry had been the only one to succeed. He had an effortless way of making Louis feel perfect, no matter what state he was in. Singing, laughing, crying, raging, dancing, sleeping. If Harry so much as looked at him, Louis would subconsciously puff out his chest and re-double his efforts to see that proud glint in Harry’s eye. Making Harry proud or amused or surprised was just what Louis needed. He started doing things to impress Harry instead of himself or anyone else and it had made him happy.  
Louis didn’t get to see that look in Harry’s eye anymore because Harry wasn’t able _to_ look at him. Stand away, don’t look, and don’t touch.

_Don’t love him_

There were nights where Louis couldn’t breathe, his chest seeming all too small and his breaths too big. His hands shook as he rocked back and forth on the cold tiles of the bathroom because it was the only room in the flat that grounded him. The harsh, cold feel of the bathroom around him, such a stark contrast from Harry’s warm, kind demeanour calmed his breathing until he didn’t see green eyes and curls every time he closed his eyes. There were nights he couldn’t sleep because all he could think about was if he would ever get Harry back. Louis had moved past wondering if he would slip away or not, because he already had. He now wondered if there would ever be a time when Harry and he could ever be what they were. Together. That night in the hospital, wondering if Harry was even _alive,_ Louis decided he was going to fight tooth and nail for his boy, no matter what.

He would catch Harry giving him long, lingering looks sometimes and fought the urge to stare right back. After all, Louis never really knew how Harry felt before all of this. For all he knew, he could have _wanted_ to distance himself over these past two years, not just to follow the rules set by their management, but for his personal interests. It hurt to think about, but if Louis didn’t want to end up with a broken heart _twice_ , he had to keep things in perspective and all options open.

Management had allowed their tour break on the condition that they make two public sightings in London and attend one Q & A beforehand. Louis had given a tight nod of his head to show, yes he agreed but no, he didn’t have to be happy about it.

Standing alone, Louis’ heart clenched as he looked over to a wide eyed Harry, his eyes searching the large area behind the Q & A desk. When he caught Louis looked over at him, he smiled and headed straight for him. Oh no. This wasn’t good. Harry doesn’t remember how they’re supposed to act around each other in public. Shit why hadn’t he gone over this with him? As he watched Harry’s long muscular legs carry him quickly across the room to Louis with no hesitation or sign of doubt, Louis let out a small breath and thought _oh yeah, that’s why._

“Hi.”

“Hey yourself. You ok?” Louis quirked an eyebrow and looked up at the younger boy, something he would never stop hating, with genuine concern for the boy. For Harry, this was the first Q & A he’d ever done, with a band he’d only just 4 days ago found out he was a part of. The lads had obviously all briefed him on all the current happenings of the band but no matter how much they’d told him, it was never going to be enough to assure poor Harry. His face was almost paper white and Louis could tell his palms were sweating like crazy by the way Harry kept running them down his jacket and over his jeans.  

“Yeah. No. I don’t know. I guess I just don’t want to mess up s’all.” Harry ducked his head down and buried his hands deep in his jacket pockets as he spoke. Louis couldn’t help the fond look he knew he was giving Harry. God he’d forgotten how adorable Harry could be. He gripped the younger lad’s bicep and _Jesus since when did they get that big, and firm, and Louis not right now_.

“Harry, you’re going to be fine. If someone asks you something you don’t understand just do something like laugh and knock over your water bottle. The fans will swoon and fawn over how precious you are, completely forgetting they ever asked you anything.” Louis dropped his hand from Harry’s arm, having now captured his attention. “Plus, the rest of us will jump in and answer all the general questions, so you really don’t need to worry about anything.”

Harry bobbed his head, still a little unsure, but looking better than he had only seconds ago. Louis felt it again then, that bubbling in his chest that he got whenever he did something to make Harry feel good. He raised his chin a little higher and punched Harry playfully on the shoulder.

“Come on, let’s get this over with.” Louis led Harry over to where the other three lads were waiting, apparently watching their little exchange with Zayn and Liam not looking phased at all. Niall, on the other hand, looked like he was about to pee himself. Zayn was trying his hardest to ignore him but Niall’s grin and constant bouncing was hard to overlook. “You ok there mate? Got a bit of stage fright have we?” Louis teased. Niall only grinned wider, if that were even possible.

Paul popped his head through the curtain, signalling the boys on. With one last re-assuring look at Harry, Louis slipped through the curtain after Liam, Niall and Zayn. It was deemed appropriate that Zayn join the Q&A to answer questions regarding the speculation that he was returning to the band after having 'reconnected' with them so soon after the split. It was nice, Louis conceding, being able to do this again with Zayn only this time being able to appreciate the fact that this was, in fact, the last time it would happened. Before the split, things had moved so quick that none of the boys really got a chance to think  _this is the last time we'll be doing this, better soak it in_ before their last show together. 

It was a normal routine to the first four boys now, flashing cameras, and screaming girls. Harry was a stage virgin again, however, and honestly, Louis expected him to look a little more shocked. Actually, he pretty much expected anything other than what he was looking at.

Harry had stepped out from the curtain, bringing up the rear of the five, and had instantly slipped on his charming smile and easy walk. His hand came up and waved a few times as he grinned and ducked his head from the flashes, which only made the crowd scream louder. As they all came to a stop in a line in front of the desk Louis realised, for what must have been the first time in over a _year_ Harry was standing next to Louis at a public event. As they waved and smiled at the sea of people in front of them, Louis couldn’t resist. Turning slightly towards Harry, he murmured “Where do you want to sit?” He held his breath as he watched Harry’s reaction. Not looking away from the crowd for even a moment, Harry replied instantly.

“Next to you.”

Louis almost cried of joy. He was grinning like a dopey, love stuck idiot that just had his crush tell him he looked cute. Which, compared to reality, wasn’t much different. It had been so long since that day and, even if Harry didn’t consciously remember he had said it, somewhere deep down, his _body_ had remembered the answer to that question. Louis realised then that Harry was responding to his situation with muscle memory, actions and reactions that had been trained into him. Only Harry didn’t ever reply to Louis’ question with that anymore. So Louis’ stomach swirled with butterflies as he walked around the table to take his seat _next to Harry._

Louis smile faltered as one of his security team motioned for Harry to sit at the end with Niall in between him and Louis. Again. Feeling his stomach drop almost to his feet, Louis stood behind his chair and waited for Niall to pass silently behind him. Only he didn’t. Instead, he knocked Louis’ shoulder with his own causing him to step toward Harry awkwardly, but not so that it looked accidental. Niall grabbed the seat in front of the older lad, and seated himself quickly, not even looking at Louis. Louis fucking loved Niall. The security didn’t look too pleased, except for Paul who just looked smug.

And so, Louis got to sit next to Harry again for the first time in what felt like forever. He positively _floated_ through the Q & A, only answering questions when he absolutely _had_ to. He spent his time soaking in the close proximity to Harry and taking every opportunity he got to look over to him with a constant smile on his face. There was one point where Harry was asked a direct question, something about Taylor, and Louis could see the panic wash over him as he realised he had no idea how to answer. His eyes connected with Louis’, pleading with him to help. Louis smirked and flicked his gaze over to the water bottle resting near Harry’s paw of a hand before looking back at him. Harry exhaled out a small chuckle before beginning the act.

“Well, you see, what you need to _understand_ is- oops!” Harry swept his hands out on ‘understand’ and sent the water bottle, lid only resting on top, flying into Louis. He let out a small squeal as the water sloshed over his shirt and, unfortunately, pants.

“Harold you clumsy giraffe!” Louis feigned irritation, mustering up all of his acting ability in order to stop himself from grinning like a kid on Christmas. It only half worked, his irritation sounding less threatening and more amused than he would have liked, but it was worth it to see the grin on Harry’s face and the mirth dancing in his eyes.  

“I’m so sorry Lou…I didn’t mean…” Harry broke off, laughing too hard to continue. Niall was practically crying next to Louis while Zayn and Liam shared equally amused glances. Luckily, their ‘handler’ (Louis hated that word) came to their rescue just as Harry was about to dab the water off with the table cloth, only succeeding in making them both laugh harder.

“Alright well that’s all we have time for unfortunately! Thank you again for coming. There will be….”

Louis wasn’t listening. All he could hear were Harry’s soft chuckles and small _I’m so sorry_ ’s in between his laughs and all he could feel was happiness flooding his chest, spreading through his whole body like wildfire. It was like Louis could breathe again, suddenly, as he watched Harry smiling at him and Niall reaching over to give him a high five. Harry was everything to Louis and, even though Harry may have, Louis would never again, in a million years, forget that.

So it wasn’t Harry that had any massive breakthroughs of memory that day, it was Louis. Louis remembered Harry and the way they used to be, laughing and teasing and mucking around. Louis remembered the way Harry made him feel, happy and careless and perfect. Louis remembered why he fell in love with Harry that day. He had never forgotten that he was in love with him, he had just forgotten why. But sitting there, soaked in water and laughing with Harry, he remembered better days, younger eyes bright with hopes for the future. He was never going forget that again.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well this kind of came out in a rush.  
> Hope its ok! (i like it so i hope you guys do!)  
> More chapters to follow, not too many more though so don't worry. We shall have a resolution soon ;)  
> Hope you're having as much fun reading it as i am writing it!


	5. The Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK AGES! i've had heaps of exams and assignments recently so sorry if this is a bit late and also not as good as the last chapter. (lbr the last chapter was g8 im not even gonna lie)  
> Anyways, enjoy the read! Update will be along soon as i am finishing exams next week :)

Harry’s shoved his shaking hands deep into his coat pockets as he stepped up onto the front porch of his family’s house. His Family. He had a Family. Right. The entire trip there he had wondered constantly whether or not he would see his family and instantly memories would come rushing back.

It wasn’t as if _nothing_ was familiar anymore, however, which was a start. Although he didn’t remember nor know the four boys, they no longer felt like strangers. He could comfortably say that they were his friends. Except for Louis. There was always something different about Louis. Yes, he could say they were friends, but whenever he thought the word and then attached Louis’ name to the end, something felt off. It wasn’t a bad thing, so they clearly weren’t enemies. And judging by the way Louis acted around him, they were definitely friends.  
And yet, Harry could shake the feeling something was different with him. He mentally shoved Louis aside for the moment. He could worry about that later. What needed his attention now was the woman standing in the doorway in front of him. He didn’t even remember knocking. Or maybe he hadn’t, he thought, as he saw Niall bouncing nervously next to him. The woman’s face was kind, however, her eyes betrayed a mix of hope and fear threatening to break her composure. They were bright green eyes, like his, that held the tell-tale signs of ugly crying. And yet, she had pulled herself together to greet him civilly. Harry already liked her.

“Hello.” _M’Harry,_ He mentally attached on to the end of his greeting. He didn’t think introducing himself to the person everyone said was his mum was the smartest way of starting off. She _clearly_ knew who he was by the way she was physically containing herself from pulling him into a hug. Throwing caution to the wind, Harry stepped forward and tentatively wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Almost instantly, she replied, pulling him tightly against her, small sobs landing against his neck. It felt like the right thing to do, hugging this woman and letting her cry against him as she whispered soothing words. It felt good and right and like he’d been doing it for years. Yeah, this was definitely someone special to him. He pulled back, smiling kindly at her. 

“Louis said you didn’t… Harry dear, do you know who I am?” She asked tentatively.

“To be honest with you, no. I don’t know who you are. Not exactly anyway.”

“What… What does that mean?” She frowned slightly at him, looking deflated but still optimistic. Yeah, Harry definitely liked her.

“I’m not too sure really, but I know you’re not a stranger. More than that even, I know that you’re someone special to me.” Harry let out a small laugh and scratched the back of his neck. “I’m not too sure why I just hugged you either but it just… it just felt like the right thing to do.”

“Oh Harry.” She looked like she wanted to hug him again. Instead she cleared her throat and squared her shoulders. “I expected a lot worse so I guess I should be grateful for what little you’ve got back.  My name is Anne Cox and I’m your mother. Your Dad’s name is Desmond Styles, we split when you were young but we still keep in contact. You have an older sister named Gemma –”

“Gems.”

“What?”

“I…do I call her Gems?”

Something like surprise and joy filled Anne’s face then, her eyes lighting up brilliantly. “Yes. Yes you do honey. How do you…?” Anne trailed off when she saw Harry could only shrug and shake his head. Honestly, he didn’t know how he knew that. Just like he had called Louis ‘Lou’ and Niall ‘Nailler’ the nick name ‘Gems’ just sprang to his mind when he head Gemma. Not just in the logical way someone might abbreviate the name, but in a fond, familiar way. He felt his chest warm and his hands tingle as he watched Anne’s happy face. “She’s out at the moment, same with your father. We all expected you to be here a lot later.”

“S’ok. I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time to catch up when they get back.” Harry remembered the four other lads standing on the porch behind him. Really, he wasn’t quite sure why they were all here. They probably all had families of their own to go see and catch up with.

“Anne!” Niall practically screamed as he launched into the house past Harry once it was obvious they were done ‘meeting’. He embraced her in a giant bear hug; her laugh was a kind sweet sound as she returned the gesture. The other three boys filed in and all took their turns giving hugs, Louis lingering the longest, before they all headed into the kitchen.

“I really hope you haven’t lost your cooking skills Harry. Honestly I think that would be the most tragic thing to come out of all this.”

A surprised laugh burst from Harry’s mouth at Anne’s words. Comfortable making jokes about her son’s amnesia and smiling easily, Harry was impressed at how well she was taking all of this. He realised then that the four extra lads surrounding them were there more for Anne’s benefit then for Harry’s. Harry couldn’t stop smiling.

“Well how about we find out?”

“Good idea. Louis dear, could you get my recipe books from the pantry?”  Anne smiled fondly as Louis hummed in response and slipped off the stool he was sitting on to go retrieve them. The afternoon was then spent re-discovering Harry’s skill in the kitchen which, as it turned out, was completely intact. Eventually, Niall, Zayn, and Liam bid their farewells to see their own families with promises of returning soon. Louis, however, stayed.

“You’re not going to see your family?”

“Nah. I called my mum and explained everything. She wouldn’t let me come home.” Louis grinned up at Harry from his spot on the sofa. He patted the spot next to him, beckoning for Harry to join. Without hesitation, Harry sat down as Louis angled himself so he was now facing Harry rather than the muted television. “You are an enigma, Harold.”

“How so?” Harry raised an eyebrow at him, amused and slightly fond of the nickname that Louis so frequently used.

“You can’t even remember who you _are_ , and yet, you don’t seem phased in the slightest. I mean yeah you looked a little shaken the day after but now you seem fine. You just met your mum for the first time and you’re not even a little bothered?”

Harry smiled down at his hands. Honestly, he didn’t really get it himself. “I’m already beginning to feel the things around me as familiar. I feel like I’ve known my mum, Gem and my Dad for years, even though I don’t know them. I don’t think I lost everything, Louis, and even though I may not get tangible memoires back, I think I’ll be able to adjust and keep going with the feelings I still remember.” Harry looked back up at Louis to see wide blue eyes and a slightly agape mouth. “What?”

“You just… you’ve always been so optimistic s’all. I just never really got how.”

“Really? Tell me.” Previously, Harry had had no real desire for people to tell him all about who he was, content to just scope things out and re-familiarise himself with his current life. Now, looking at Louis’ blue eyes shine as he explained all about how Harry was always the one who would say ‘things will all work out lads’ in the X-factor house and ‘nothing’s going to go wrong’ before a big show, he suddenly wanted to know all about himself.

“You were a little shy when I first met you but pretty soon you kind of became the beloved kid of the group.”

“The kid?”

“Yeah mate.” Louis began to laugh as he reminisced the early days of the band. “God you were so un-coordinated and goofy and happy. You would always try and get someone’s attention by doing something stupid, or try and make Niall laugh his infectious laugh by pulling a face behind the camera of a shoot.” Louis paused and looked at him, his expression shifting from amusement to fondness. “Even though you were a menace, you were always so sweet to everyone. Always ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and ‘it was a pleasure’. I think all of us lads kinda of made an unspoken pact that we’d all protect you, Haz.” Louis looked down at his hands, fiddling with the couch cushion he had resting in his lap. “It really rattled us all when… it happened Harry. I think us lads all kind of felt like we failed. I know I did.” His last words were barely a whisper, so quiet Harry was unsure he even heard them.

“Oh Louis.” Harry reached forward and pulled the smaller boy against him so suddenly Louis let out a little squawk at being manhandled. Harry knew for certain then that Louis was definitely different. Now all he needed to know was why.

“Louis, can I ask you something?” Harry loosened his hold on Louis a little so the older boy could look at him without his eyes going crossed from the closeness.

“Yeah, ‘course.”

“Were we together?” For the second time that evening, Louis’ eyes went wide and his jaw went slack. Harry was hit with the overwhelming urge to kiss him just as he’d had in the hospital and when he’d been cramped up in that tiny toilet cubicle. Louis had looked like he’d wanted to kiss him them too, which was what made this entirely too confusing.

Louis was entirely lost for words, barely able to form a response. For a brief moment, he wondered what would happen if he said yes. Only that would not only make him the biggest ass in the world but probably the _worst_ friend, so he stuck with the truth. “N-no. We… we weren’t. Wh-why did you think that?” 

“You feel different. Than the other lads, that is.” Harry cocked his head to the side as his eyes roamed over Louis face. “You’re just…different.” He watched closely as various different emotions flickered over Louis’ face. First surprise, then disbelief, followed by what looked like bashfulness, which was interesting in itself. His cheeks blushed and a small smile started to form on his lips. Finally, he seemed to land on something Harry couldn’t name. Judging by his expression, however, it wasn’t good. The smile dropped into what looked like a grimace and his blush turned almost guilty as he focused on a point just over Harry’s shoulder. He smiled, but it wasn’t happy, as he spoke.

“We were barely friends when you lost your memory Harry. You probably feel different toward me because I don’t think you felt _anything_ for me before… this.”  Louis smiled sadly and moved to get up only to be stopped by Harry’s hand tugging him back down.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Well Harry that’s certainly what it looked like to me.” He’d made Louis angry. His nostrils were slightly flared and his hands shook slightly as he clasped them together firmly. “You don’t get it Harry. We used to be so close that ‘higher up’s’ thought we were _too_ close and forced us to ‘tone it down’. So we stopped seeing each other on our time off, we stopped talking to each other when we were in the same room. We stopped _looking_ at each other. Basically, Harry, we stopped being friends.”

“But that doesn’t make any sense. Why-” He broke off when he saw Louis expression. “Oh. You didn’t want to.”

“Of course I didn’t fucking want to. You’re my best friend Haz.” 

“Then why?”

“For everyone’s careers. We were told that being gay, or even rumoured to be gay would make us unmarketable to our target demographic and ruin the band and everyone’s careers.”

Harry was quiet for a long while after Louis finished. Both of them were. They sat in silence together, Louis just looking at his feet while Harry tried to piece everything together. Harry definitely didn’t feel anything negative toward Louis, but if they had drifted apart, then there should be nothing for Harry to feel. Only he did feel something, and that something was a very very positive something. In that case, could he be feeling what he had so many years ago, back in X-factor as Louis had described, when they’d been closer than brothers?

“This is confusing.” Harry mumbled out as he rubbed his temples slowly. Louis let out a mirthless laugh beside him.

“You got that one right.” Louis stood up from the couch and this time, Harry didn’t stop him. “I’m gonna go see if Anne needs some help with dinner.” Harry watched him go silently before standing up himself and making his way upstairs to where he knew Gemma was. He figured that if anyone knew about what was going on with Harry in regards to Louis, it would be either Anne or Gemma and right now, Gemma was the only available option.

She had come home earlier that day before the lads had left. There had been more tears with Gemma than with Anne, which Harry had expected, but she composed herself quickly and helped out with the final stage of their baking. Basically, she helped eat the cake they’d made.

Harry knocked lightly on the door he’d been told was hers, waiting for her ‘come in’ before pushing the door open and stepping into the room.

“H! What’s up baby bro?” She winced slightly at her words but relaxed when Harry smiled and came over to the bed where she was sitting, her back resting against the headboard.

“Hi Gems. I was wondering if you’d be able to tell me about Louis.” She looked surprised at his question but recovered quickly, scooting over slightly to make room for Harry beside her.

“What do you want to know?” She asked as Harry sat next to her, their shoulders brushing slightly. It felt natural to sit next to Gemma like this and Harry silently wondered if this was something they usually did.

“I was wondering if you could tell me, um, how I felt about him? I mean, did I ever tell you?”

She grinned at him, a toothy wolfish grin, and let out a long sigh. “Oh, did you ever baby bro. did you ever.”

Harry’s eyes widened, his mouth gaping slightly. “What… What did i- how- wh-”

“Stop! Jesus you’re gonna give yourself another stroke.” Gemma chuckled quietly before she winced, seeming to realise just what she’d said. “Sorry. Guess this hasn’t really…clicked yet. You still seem like you.”

“I am me. I just don’t remember me yet.”

“Right” Gemma paused and looked at him, her green eyes beginning to fill with tears. Blinking quickly, she shook her head and cleared her throat. “Right. Anyway, getting back to you and your incessant pinning after one Louis Thomlinson.”

“ _Pinning?_ Huh.”

“ _Huh_ what?”

“I just… I knew I felt something for him I just didn’t know what it was. That’s actually why I came up here. I asked him if we were together and he said no and then got a little angry and now I’m just all kinds of confused.” He stopped when he noticed Gemma had widened her eyes almost comically at him before bursting into a fit of hysterical laughter. “What?”

“ _Harry!_ I can’t believe… oh my god you spent 4 years whining to me about your ‘unrequited’ love for that pixie of a boy and you just asked him if you…oh my god.” She trailed off, laughing so hard tears began to fall from her eyes. She gripped his arm to stop herself from falling off the edge of the bed as she doubled over, clutching her stomach. Once she’d sobered up and managed to string two coherent words together, she said, “I probably received enough 2am drunken phone calls describing the detail of Louis Thomlinson’s eyes or hair or face or _butt_ to last me and every other sister on this planet a life time.” A smile still lighting up her eyes, she looked at him again and although she still looked amused, she was no longer laughing. “You really loved him Harry. Well, you really _love_ him. You used to tell me literally every time we caught up. I wouldn’t just hear about you, I’d hear all about Louis too.”

“Oh.” A slight blush had crept up on Harry’s cheeks through Gemma’s speech. He suddenly felt embarrassed about how blunt he’d been earlier with Louis. If he’d been so in love with him for _four_ years, surely he knew… right? “What about Louis? D-do you know how he felt…feels?”

Gemma sighed and leaned back against her headboard again. “No honey sorry. Your best bet would be to talk to Zayn or Louis’ mum Jay.”

Harry hummed out an agreement but wasn’t so reassured. He’d acted so cagey and _angry_ when Harry had asked about them together, almost as if they’d had that discussion or something like it before. Maybe Louis had already rejected him and they’d moved on, continued to be friends and that was that. Harry sighed and raked a hand through his hair, more confused than ever. He was tired and emotionally drained from the day. Right now, all he wanted was a long hot shower and some time to sort through everything in his head.

In good news, there was now something else Harry knew for certain: he was in love with Louis Thomlinson. Ok maybe that wasn’t good news. But it was a development and right now, he’d take what he could get.

He was also pretty sure that even if he never gets his memories back, even if his old love for Louis is only something that Gemma will tell him about in stories and tease him for relentlessly, he’s going to fall head over heels for the small boy with eyes that make his mouth go dry every time they look at him.

He can faintly hear Louis’ high voice downstairs chatting away with Anne as they talk about absolutely nothing. Yep, Harry’s definitely in love with Louis Thomlinson. He turned his eyes back to Gemma, the only words his mouth able to form being: “I’m so fucked Gems.”


	6. The First Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry remembers then runs away. Things don't get much better from here.  
> Also wow this has been a long time coming. i was half way through this chapter when i sort of just stopped? Im so sorry! I promise that the next chapter will be along soon and will be ~aMaze~

Louis’ lungs burn with the cold morning air as he jogs around the small football field in the park at the end of Harry’s street. His legs aching and desperate for a break, a stitch forming in is gut but he keeps pushing. His head is clear when he’s concentrating on kicking a ball this way and that, focusing on how his legs are moving, striking, and weaving. No intruding thoughts, no distractions, just the burn of his muscles as they scream for relief.

“ _Louis_!”

Louis stumbled through his last drill, cursing softly for the very distraction he’d been trying to avoid. Harry was jogging slowly toward him dressed in…a hoodie and tracks? Louis smiled tightly and let out a small laugh as the taller boy drew nearer. “Well well well. I never thought I’d see the day Harry Styles wore a hoodie and track pants out of the house.”

“I… I don’t wear hoodies?”

“Yeah, just not combined with trackies and –oh my god are you wearing _ugg boots?”_ Harry blushed a deep crimson red as he awkwardly stared at his feet.

“They’re comfy.” he mumbled out and for a moment Louis thought he’d insulted this poor amnesiac giraffe before he caught sight of the small smile playing on is lips. Louis still hadn’t forgotten Harry’s question and confused look from Monday night. The memory had clung to him like the plague, unrelenting even in his sleep. It was Saturday now, five days after their… discussion, and Harry had seemed distant for most of it. They spoke, obviously, but one of them would always find and excuse to leave quickly. Louis hated it, all too familiar and entirely too comfortable with the idea of avoiding Harry. It made him sick when he realised it had become normal, _routine_ , for him to actively avoid Harry. 

Clearing his throat, Louis flicked his foot under his footy ball and caught from the air it as he spoke. “So what’s up?”

Harry grinned widely and glanced down at the ball in Louis’ hands. “I was hoping I could join you for a bit? Felt like I should get out of the house and…” Harry broke off with a shrug. Louis, content to let the conversation drop, threw Harry the ball and jogged backwards so he was at least 10 metres away. “That as far as you’re going to go?”

“Harry, you obviously don’t remember being absolute _shit_ at football so, yeah, I think I’m good here.” Harry barked out a laugh and dropped the ball to his feet. Still giggling a little, he attempted to kick it toward Louis. Attempt being the key word there. Harry, entirely overestimating the power of his long legs, kicked the ball hard and wide, almost hitting an elderly woman walking her dog. Harry’s hands flew to his mouth and his eyes grew wide as he watched the old lady’s near miss. Louis chased after the ball as Harry profusely apologised.

“I’m so so sorry! I’m – uh – a bit new to this.” The small lady just smiled kindly and continued her walk. “Sorry again!” Harry feebly called after her. As soon as she was gone, Louis burst into laughter, doubling over with the force of his giggling. “ _Louis!_ She could have been _really_ hurt!”

“I know mate but your _face…”_ Louis trailed off as more laughs burst out and he gave up completely, falling to the ground. God Harry’s stupidly big eyes and bouncy curls made him look all the more adorable when he’d realised his aim was seriously off. So self-assured and so confident he’d been. Louis had to bite his fist to stop a fresh wave of laughter.

“Ha ha. I can’t even remember if this is a regular thing or if I’m just completely incapable at playing footie all the time!”

Louis sobered up at that, suddenly feeling very insensitive toward Harry’s fragile state. “You’re right mate, you’re right. Oh, and you’re pretty much useless all the time.” Harry didn’t look hurt by Louis’ teasing when Louis regained his footing, just oddly pleased. Well, Harry was an odd boy. “Come on then, how about you relearn all those footie tips I taught you during X-factor. Maybe this time around they’ll actually do some good.”

Harry grinned and Louis felt weird. He felt weird because he didn’t know if he should be teasing or crying about Harry’s lack of memories. He didn’t seem to mind whenever Louis or someone else _did_ jest about his amnesia, but he wondered if Harry just didn’t let on how much it bothered him. Maybe it didn’t bother him at all. Louis sighed and walked over to Harry, now beaming and looking entirely too eager for Louis’ footie lesson. Boy, was he in for it.

The morning passed into noon quickly enough and Louis was quickly discovering that not only had Harry forgotten about Louis, but Louis had forgotten a lot more about Harry than he was happy to admit. He forgot how attentive he was, how he would focus entirely on the person he was talking to, soaking up every little thing they said. He forgot how little accomplishments (like being able to kick a ball in a straight line) would make Harry’s eyes light up and his dimples deepen in glee. He forgot how much fun Harry was just to be around. Louis decided then and there, no more avoiding. Not ever again. Media, rumours, publicity be damned. Harry was too good to be ignored for any longer.

At around 12:30, Harry collapsed in the middle of the grass, his hoodie abandoned to reveal a tight black shirt underneath with sweat patched now marking the underarms. “I can’t go on Louis. I- I don’t think I’ve got legs anymore. Just…just leave me.” Harry flung an arm over his eyes and panted dramatically. They really hadn’t been working that hard. Louis chuckled lightly and sat cross-legged next to him. He looked out over the small park and saw a couple of kids swinging on the swing set nearby.

“I miss being a kid.” Louis murmured as he watched the kids ditch the swings in favour of a game of tag. Harry peered at him from under his forearm.

“Why? You can’t really do anything when you’re a kid.”

“Lies. You can get away with _anything_ when you’re a kid simply because _you’re a kid.”_ Louis looked down at Harry, his forearm still slung carelessly over his eyes. “I can’t get away with anything anymore.” Louis finished softly. So soft, in fact, he thought Harry hadn’t heard entirely. Seconds became minutes until finally Harry spoke up again.

“Correct me if I’m wrong here, but aren’t _celebrities_ supposed to be able to get away with anything?”

Louis huffed out a mirthless laugh before answering, his mouth twisting into an unpleasant scowl. “Quite the opposite I’m afraid, H. Oh well come one then, best we b-”

“ _Louis!”_ Harry practically yelled as he shot up wards, stumbling slightly from the head rush.

“Whoa Haz, what the…” Louis trailed off as he saw the excitement building up in Harry’s movements.

“I…I can… fuck there’s something…”

“Harry, are you remembering something?” Louis scrambled to his feet next to Harry. He gripped his arm in an attempt to steady him, his fingers digging on the side of too hard with excitement.

“A football game. You… you were playing? I don’t know why but I was excited, like, _really_ excited.”

“My first professional match. You came to watch with the other lads,” Louis broke off with a small laugh, remembering the event fondly. “Proper cheerleader you were.”

Harry, seeming to come down from his excited high, turned to him with a quizzical look. “I couldn’t do something.”

“What?”

“I couldn’t… for some reason there was something I wanted to do but wasn’t allowed…oh.” Harry cut off quickly, hitching in a small breath that sounded somewhat like a hiccup. “I’m gonna go.”

“Harry!” Louis’ stomach dropped as he watched the taller lad scoop up his hoodie and begin heading straight back the way he came. _“Wait!”_ but Harry didn’t slow.

******

“Zayn! Jesus Christ thank God!”

“Louis? Whats wrong?” Zayn’s current state of perpetually annoyed vanished almost instantly with his next words. “Is it Harry? Did somethi-”

“He remembered something. He…he remembered my first football match and then just _ran away! Im literally losing my mind right now!”_

“Louis, shit, ok calm down for a moment. He’s not at home?” Zayn’s calm voice was doing wonders for Louis major freak out. He took a deep shaky breath in before continuing, hoping to sound slightly less hysterical.

“I went straight there when I left the park only to find Anne wondering the exact same thing. I lied, said he was just outside and we were going into town for a bit and I was just popping inside to grab my wallet. I didn’t want…want her to panic” Yeah, he definitely still sounded hysterical. He had been frantically jogging around Harry’s small neighbourhood for the better half of an hour before giving in and calling Zayn. For some reason, he’d felt like this was his fault. Like he’d fucked up his second chance before he even got one.

Zayn didn’t tell him to calm down again, knowing full well how much use it would be. Instead, he asked “Where else would he go?”

“I’ve got no bloody clue. I’ve been to that stupid tree house he used to play in as a kid, the house across the road that he used to sneak into just to play with their cat, I even fuckin’ tried his old high school Zayn and I haven’t seen him _anywhere_.” Louis fell heavily to the side walk, his head hanging between his pulled up knees. Jesus he was _not_ going to have a panic attack now. “Zayn…” His voice came out high and shaky, thick with the threat of tears.

“It’s ok Lou, we’re gonna find him. He’s an amnesiac not a quadriplegic he’ll be ok. Just breath, nice and deep. That’s it. You’re alright.”

“Yeah… yeah a-alright.” Louis managed out between small hiccups. Suddenly, an idea came to him, jolting him upright. His feet were carrying him forward before he’d even relayed the information. “The bakery! H-he could have… gone to the bakery.” His panic pushed to the side for the moment, Louis let his adrenalin carry him all the way to the small bakery at the end of Harry’s suburb. Sure enough, Harry was sitting across from a small elderly woman with a cup of tea in his hands and smiling warmly. Louis was so caught up in his relief that he’d found this dork of a 20 year old that he’d forgotten about Zayn.

“Louis did you find him!? Louis!? Jesus Christ you’re just staring at him aren’t you? Louis is he ok? Was…?”

“Yeah, I got him. He’s at the bakery. Fuck I thought something had happened to him.”

“You’re such a hopeless romantic Lou."

“Shut up.”

“Love you!” Louis ended the call before his poor little heart could get any stupid ideas from Zayn. For example: telling Harry how he felt. He’d gotten that one before. Right after the X-Factor, Zayn had marched up to him and said, “ _Louis Thomlinson if you don’t tell that boy you’re in love with him so help me I will lock you in a room together and throw away the key.”_

_Louis blinked up at his new mate with wide eyes. He’d never said… “How did you…”_

_“Oh come on, you tit, everyone can see it! Go!”_

Louis hadn’t gone. Made some bullshit excuse about why he couldn’t. For their careers, for the lads. Zayn just gave him a dirty look and stalked away. _Hypocrite_. Louis had thought. If he couldn’t man up and tell Liam how _he_ felt then Louis certainly wasn’t going to take advice regarding Harry from him. Maybe he should tell the other two lads. Liam would probably be able to help. Niall on the other hand… No. They’d both tell Harry. Niall would get drunk and just say it and Liam would hint and hedge around the idea until Harry picked up on his not-so-subtle hints.

Louis shook off his thoughts and peered over at Harry a little more closely. Sure enough, resting on the table next to his hand was his phone. Louis quickly opened up his messages to Harry and shot him what would be the 12th text in the last hour.

_Harry please respond. Where are you?_

Louis watched intently from his spot behind a parked car opposite the bakery. Harry’s phone lit up and buzzed softly with the notification. Only Harry didn’t open it. Instead, he read the text with a guilty little frown and slipped his phone away. Ouch. Well, if Harry didn’t want to be found, then he was just going to have to wait until he did.

3 hours later Louis butt was numb, his phone battery was dangerously low from all the flappy bird, and finally Harry decided to reply.

 **Sorry! Saw someone from a while back and got chatting! Coming home now** **x**


	7. The Lessons

Harry was being an ass. He knew he was, and yet, he couldn’t see any other way around it. Louis had insisted they hadn’t been together in the past, quite the opposite apparently, and yet Harry had been head over heels in love with him so how on earth was he supposed to say ‘ _i remembered i really wanted to kiss you in front of all those people because i was fucking proud of you’._ So really, Harry thought the ‘ass’ option wasn’t all that bad. 

He could see the frustration in every muscle of Louis body but he couldn’t bring himself to elaborate on what had happened, for some reason completely un willing to lie just to please Louis. 

“Harry please tell me why you ran away. If its something the doctor should know…”

“Then i’ll tell the doctor. Louis, just let me sort through all this on my own ok?” Harry had snapped out once he’d finally returned home. It was unfair and rude but Harry was tired and stressed out and he just really needed to see him mum. Louis looked like he wanted to fight him on it but, eventually, thought better of it and just mumbled something about showering which _should not_ have conjured fantasies of what one Louis Tomlinson would look like naked and wet and… 

Harry scrubbed a hand over his face. This was already exhausting and it had only been 5 days, how had he managed to keep it up for 5 _years?_ Looking over at Louis opposite him at the dinning table, he thought back on how Louis had acted around him the past week. Every since he woke up in that hospital bed, he knew something was special about Louis and now that he finally knew why, rather than reeling relieved like he’d thought he would, he just felt more frustrated. 

Flopping down onto his bed, Harry conceded the best cause of action was to call Niall. Clearly, his memory recollection wasn’t going as well as he’d thought because he’d only been on the phone for a minute and Niall was already _wheezing_ with laughter on the other end. 

“Holy _hell_ Harry you can’t just… ‘is Louis in love with me?’” Niall mocked before falling into another fit of giggles. 

“Niall i’m being serious!”

“I know mate, that’s what’s fuckin’ hilarious!” Niall giggled out as Harry let out a deep sigh.

“Look Niall, i’m not really 100% sure who was closer out of the five of us and i just thought maybe you and Louis would have been because you’re both jokers?”

“Nah Haz, Louis and Zayn were always the ‘peas in a pod’ out’ve us five.” 

“So, i should call Zayn?” Harry inquired. Niall was quiet for a long while then. No giggles, snickers or huffs of amusement. For a moment, Harry thought Niall had dropped out. “Niall? He-helloooo?”

“Yeah yeah i’m still here. Look Harry…the thing is, us lads haven’t really discussed much of our personal lives for a while now.” Niall sucked in a deep breath before continuing, almost as if he needed all that extra air just to say “We’re just not that close anymore.” As if the mere thought of it constricted his chest so much the extra air was needed to push the words out. 

“But you all seemed…”

“We’re good at keeping up appearances Harry.” Niall cut in seriously. Suddenly, Harry was completely unsure of himself.

“Oh. O-ok. um, sorry, is this ah… bothering you then? Do we not usually give each other a ring?”

“Not usually no. But Harry,” Niall continued quickly, “we should. Ring each other up. That’d be nice, yanno?” 

“Yeah.”

“Ok then. Now, whats this business with you and Louis then?”

***

“ _This is absolutely Fookin’ ridiculous! No Fookin’ way mate.”_

_Louis accent gets thicker when he’s angry_ Harry notes as he eavesdrops in on Louis’ rather _heated_ phone call. He’s only getting half the conversation so all he knows is someone’s telling Louis something that Louis doesn’t particularly like. There’s more yelling, Louis’ accent gets thicker and thicker and Harry can’t help but wonder if his accent would thicken with arousal too. If the glide of Harry’s large hands over his warm skin would draw pleasant the very same expletives he can hear now. If the brush of his lips over-

“He’s not even near ready yet!” There’s a deep sigh on Louis end before he continues, considerably quieter. So much so that Harry has to press his ear flush with the wall to hear his next words. “Yes, he’s remembered a little,” he hears Louis say with resignation, “But we can’t push it! We don’t know how bad…”

Harry’s hearts beating a little faster now. _Not ready for what?_ Who _is on the other end of the phone?_

“If we push it, it could get worse. That’s what the doctor said.” 

There’s a long pause then and Harry thinks Louis’ either started whispering or he’s hung up the phone. _Why was Louis talking to Harry’s doctor? Why didn’t he_ tell _him he was?_ Harry could feel his heart begin to beat faster and his hands ball into fists as his irritation grew. Everyone kept looking at him and talking about him as if he were made of glass. All of his so called ‘friends’ were making decisions on his behalf about _his_ life. They never let him see the whole picture and as far as Harry was concerned, enough is enough. The frustration bubbled up in his stomach until he felt like he would burst so without thinking too much about it, he gripped the door handle tight and swung angrily into the room.

“Har-”

“Hang up. Now.” Harry watched with his arms folded and a hard glare as Louis muttered an ‘ _I’ll call you back’_ before he was sliding the phone in his pocket and facing Harry with wide eyes. Anger still pumping steadily through him, he demanded an explanation.  “What’s going on?”

“It’s nothing…”

“Bullshit it’s nothing. Why didn’t you tell me you’re talking to my doctor?”

Louis ran a hand through his hair, clearly agitated and unsure about how to continue. “It’s… look… Harry right now, its best that you don’t know…”

“ _How am I supposed to get better if I don’t_ know _what’s going on inside my fucking head?!”_ Harry didn’t think he was the kind of person to scream when he got mad. His limited time to come to know himself had shown him that he was a calm person, prone more to crying than screaming and yet, he had just yelled at Louis. He could see from the look of shock and hurt on Louis face that the older lad had thought the same thing too. Forcing a more neutral face, he continued, “I want you to tell me everything you know Louis. Its fucking frustrating waking up every day and knowing everyone around you knows infinitely more about you than you know about yourself.”

“That’s the thing Harry I _can’t_ tell you! That’s what the doctor said!” Louis heaved out a deep sigh and sunk to the small couch nearest to him. Harry wanted to believe him, he really did, but there was something about the way Louis wouldn’t stop twisting his fingers and bouncing his leg that told him he wasn’t telling Harry everything.  And just like that, as if a switch had been flipped, all Harry could feel was confusion. No anger, no frustration, just confused helplessness. Back to square one apparently. He was about to ask for Louis to explain, but Louis had apparently guessed that would be Harry’s next question. “If we tell you _too_ much, it could hinder the recollection process. You have to do it on your own, or you won’t get them back at all.” Louis looked up at him then, his deep blue eyes rich with emotion. “We can’t tell you what you’re supposed to remember. _You_ have to remember it or else all you’ll remember will be someone telling you about a memory you once had.”

“…and that’s all the doctor said?” Harry asked tentatively. He hadn’t wanted to entertain the idea that there was hope that this might be over soon or that there would be an easy fix, but it seemed to have happened anyway. Louis smiled then, a break in his foul mood.

“She said you were getting better. The memory of my first footie match, she said it was good you’re remembering stuff so quick. And the feelings thing, that you have about people. She said that was a good sign.” For a brief moment, Harry felt that hope surge within his chest and threaten to break free, and then he remembered Louis’ argument on the phone earlier.

“Then… why were you yelling?”

“It was the management. This break, being so out of the blue, isn’t doing us much good. They…” Louis trailed off and ran another frustrated hand through his hair, his jaw clenched tight. He didn’t need to finish.

“…They want us back on tour.” Harry finished for him. 

Louis just looked at him as all the implications of that crashed into Harry all at once. There was so much he didn’t know. The songs, the choreography, the way concerts _operated,_ how to deal with fans, _the songs._ He felt all the air leave him in a rush and shakily made his way to the couch next to Louis. Somehow, he didn’t think he had felt a pit of worry and uncertainty at his impending doom in his stomach.

“Harry it’s gonna be ok. I’m not going to let them…”

“Teach me the songs.”

Louis just looked at him with a somewhat perplexed glare in his eye before finally answering with a “What?” 

_Eloquent._

“Teach…teach me the songs. I don’t want to keep fucking this up more than I already have so… please. Teach me.” Harry gripped Louis bicep, nor hard, but firm enough to get his attention. He didn’t give a damn if this wasn’t his fault, but he _did_ have to at least try and fix it. 

Louis just looked at him, those beautiful blue eyes hesitant but yearning both at the same time. This close to him, Harry could see in detail how fine his facial features were, how striking his tan skin was against the blue of his eyes. He could also see every emotion pass through them as he watched Louis’ consideration/ He wanted to say yes, Harry knew he did, but he was also worried, concerned at how this could hinder Harrys recovery. And all of a sudden, Harry could tell that Louis was too close to him to be willing to take risks regarding Harry’s mental . “I could always ask Niall…”

“You’re not fucking asking Niall.” Letting out a frustrated sign, Louis rubbed his eyes with the hells of his palms before carding his fingers through his long fringe. “Fine. But if i so much as _sense_ that it’s going to end badly…”

Harry cut him off by wrapping his arms tightly around Louis’ smaller shoulders and chanting _‘thank you’_ until Louis relaxed under him and chuckled softly at the gesture. 

He didn’t return the hug, but he didn’t pull away from it either, quite content to let Harry hug him as long as he wanted. Ever since Harry had asked him about their ‘relationship’, he’d been far less welcoming to physical contact between them so Harry counted this as a win. 

“So,” Harry started as he pulled back from the hug, “what’re they called?”

“What?”

“Our songs. What are they called?”

Louis blew out a long breath before leaning back comfortably and beginning with “ _Well…”_

_***_

Louis notified the other boys of the plan to ‘Jog Harry’s Memories Through The Power Of Song’ as Niall so eloquently dubbed it. They were hesitant at first, Liam being the least pleased as Harry predicted (although not entirely knowing how he knew that) but they’d gotten into it pretty quick as they began to see how happy Harry was to be re-learning his place among the other 3 lads. Of course, they weren’t actually _there,_ as Liam and Niall were visiting their own families and Zayn, no longer a member of the band, was off doing whatever he was doing now. Instead, they had sessions over Skype and face time when they were all free and, when they weren’t, Louis would go through things with Harry on his own. 

Those were the times Harry liked best, although he’d never admit it out of fear of crushing Niall, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help that when he was alone with Louis, he felt like his smile was different, like it was private and meant for him. He named it the ‘Harry Smile’. It was stupidly hopeful but Harry loved it. He loved saying and doing stupid things to earn the fond ‘Harry Smile’ Louis would grace him with. He loved the proud glint in his eye every time Harry nailed a note or understood something quickly. 

He didn’t dare bring up anything personal, regarding them or the other three boys. He knew there was a sore spot there about Zayn, a closeness to Liam, and a protectiveness over Niall, but nothing deeper or more specific. It didn’t sit well with Harry, the idea that four people could be in an internationally popular and successful band and yet unwilling to discuss things about them personally. So, one afternoon while they were running through stage choreography, Harry decided to test the waters. 

“Thats called the WMYB formation and… Harry are you listening?”

“Hmm? Oh yeah. Of course.” He wasn’t. “The MYWB pose. got it.” Harry bobbed his head enthusiastically to show his interest in the subject. In reality, his mind couldn’t be further from the topic. 

Louis let out a tired sigh and dropped from his propped up elbows onto his stomach. He let out another sign with his face mushed into the carpet, not a frustrated sigh, just… a sigh. He looked good like this, comfortable and relaxed in a pale yellow tee and baggy grey sweat pants. He looked…content. 

Louis rolled to his side and propped his head up on the heel of his palm. “Ok Harold, whats wrong.”

“W-what. Nothing’s wrong, why do you…?”

“Oh come off it, i’ve known you for five years. I know when somethings bothering you.” Louis resounded flippantly with a roll of his sea blue eyes. Harry smiled briefly before it turned more sad than fond. 

“That’s the thing… do you?” Harry looked over at Louis through his lashes from his perch on the couch. His flippant expression quickly turned concerned as his brows knitted together in confusion. “Niall said we, i mean not just us but all the lads, don’t really know each other as well as we used too. So, how would you know?”

“Because i… i just know with you Harry. It’s a talent, really.” Louis said as he pushed himself into a sitting position with his legs crossed beneath him. “Anyway, Niall doesn’t know-”

“Then tell him. Tell _me.”_

“Harry…”

“You three should be the people i’m most comfortable telling _anything_ to and, from what Niall’s told me, you’re the last to know when shit happens in my life and i think that’s kind of fucked up.” 

Louis didn’t reply right away, instead, just looked at Harry. His face appearing calm but his blue eyes were like the sea in a storm and Harry didn’t know whether to be terrified or a little turned on, in the end, he settled for both. When Louis finally did decided to respond, his voice was calm but far from soft. “Me too Harry but a lot of things have happened to each of us that has changed our ‘dynamic’ quite a bit so if we want to survive as a band, we learn to live with what we have.”

“That’s no way to live.”

“No it isn’t.” 

Louis didn’t say anything further on the matter, instead, he muttered something about having a smoke and headed for the front door. 

Today’s lesson was apparently over. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL this was later than i thought it would be and i have no excuse other than i am lazy  
> next one will be along... eventually


End file.
